There are many stories about Rakesh Menon. Some say he is a decent man. Others say there is no good in him at all. But I once spent 3 days on the road with him, in the monsoon of 2011. This is our story.
I was mighty pleased when one day I received a mail from Reshmi Aunty about a weekend sojourn away from the hustle and bustle of Bangalore. You can imagine how much it meant to me since my getaways have been limited to LBS Nagar and Cradle. So anyways, while children of sizes get to raise flags at their schools on Independence Day, I get an opportunity to raise a toast with my dad and his friends. Nice! The benefits of being born to a tippler!
To cut a long story short, Reshmi Aunty and Das Mama could not make it since Das Mama preferred to have scotch (all the way from the US of A) than Blender’s Pride. And Veena Cheriyamma and co did not make the cut since Pradeep Valiyachan was worried how the proposed dual pricing on diesel will affect his Vento. Hey, one Cheriyamma and Valiyachan in the same family. Funny family, dude!
Neha aunty who is always behind kochacha's back to go for trips conveniently left for kozhikode to remove a tooth. But now she looks as if she planted a few more inside. Phew! life is unfair.
Date - August 13th 2011
Time – 0600 hrs
I can barely open my eyes and I notice a flurry of activity in my house. My mom’s busy packing and I see dad stepping out of the bathroom. He calls out to my mom and says, “Let’s pack him”. Really!!! Is that the best they can say? Pack me! What am I? A stuffed toy? Anyways, the big day is here. And I am not going to let my dad’s lack of vocabulary affect my preparation. I remain focussed. Dravid should pick up a couple of tips from me. I tell you, “He’s no more the Wall. Sreesanth is. He is always busy driving people up the wall”. Anyways, let matters that do not concern me be put to rest.
“No mom. Not that smelly cap again. It does not keep me warm. The smell just puts me to sleep. NO!!!” After an initial struggle, I finally relent. “Oh c’mon, get it done with”.
We leave home, pick up Jayesh uncle who is waiting with the rest of the folks and set our sights on the road ahead. I have always believed that there were two types of people. One, who drinks and pukes since they can’t stomach it and secondly, people who drink; are content and go to bed. And then there is the 3rd type. Jayesh uncle! Types who give the Energizer bunny a complex; guys who can go on drinking; wake up in the morning and then get back to drinking!
So off we go! My dad’s doing a good job. He seems more at ease today. You should sit through one of our Cradle trips to know what I mean.
We meet Prasad uncle and family on Kanakapura Road and head out to Wayanad. We stop by at a coffee bar on Hunsur Road. We drink coffee. What else? Though Jayesh uncle seemed a tad upset when the B.A.R (BEER) did not serve alcohol!
Next stop was the Nagarhole National Park. Whoa! I have heard stories from Prasad uncle about the numerous tigers he has seen on the way to Wayanad. I am so excited!
After 45 minutes, we come out of the National Park. Tigers! Nah, in between cursing Prasad uncle under my breath and staring out of the window to sight the wonder creatures, I saw deers. Deers!!! What the heck? What was this guy thinking when he said tiger sightings. And to add to the misery, Elu mama jokes about how the deers would have gone partying since it is a Saturday. Really Elu mama! Is that the best you can come up with? You think you are gonna give Stallone competition? I dare you. I challenge you. One round in the ring and I am gonna knock you out cold. I float like a butterfly, sting like a bee, man. Bring it on.
At three in the afternoon, we finally reach Wayanad. Everyone’s famished and we decide to stop for lunch. While my dad and the rest lick their fingers dry on beef curry, I get Cerelac. What are these guys thinking? You don’t grow up on Cerelac and Complan. You will always remain a ‘BOY’ and ‘GIRL’ if you have Complan. I need meat. The red kind, with the occasional white variety. But I soon realize that I am fighting a losing battle and give up.
We reach Prasad uncle’s house; freshen up and decide to go for a walk. Whoa! I am sure glad I didn’t miss this part of the trip. You should have seen Kochacha. He walks like he’s on stilts. And the help he gets comes from Jayesh uncle. It was like watching Laurel and Hardy walking on thin ice.
We are back and everyone takes turns to hit the shower. And then Konda mama walks in. And… and… and… does not walk out. We are worried. An increasingly frustrating hour passes by. And he is still not out. We forget all about him when Jayesh uncle rings the bell. Yipee! It’s time to get tipsy. While the rest of the guys sip on their whiskey, I wait with bated breath. Kochacha is drinking rum. I always knew he was labour class. My mom comes out of the kitchen with a bottle; holding it behind her. I rub my hands in glee. Finally, I get to drink liquor. And then, slowly, she moves the bottle and holds it against the light. And lo! I see it. It is….. white… Wait a minute… White??? Could it be toddy?
“Paal kudikante chandam”, says my mom in her sweetest tone. The whole world comes crashing down on me. I didn’t wait for a whole month to drink milk. I don’t want milk. I have had enough milk to last me a lifetime. STOP! I don’t want to broach this topic again. I will move on to something else.
As you can probably understand, the night didn’t end too well for me. First day of the season and we draw to Newcastle. Brilliant! Anyways, I can hear everyone talking about calling it a night. So I guess, I will too! And yeah, in case you were wondering… Konda mama came out of the bathroom a little later. He complained about how all bathrooms are the same.
The next day, we set off to… actually I don’t know. Let’s just call this part of the trip as ‘Say Smile”. Coz that’s all we did. We just went to places and took pictures. Guys, just buy a postcard the next time around.
After lunch, we head off to the resort. The roads start winding and the air is a lot crisper now. We cut a corner and then we see it. WTF!!! You must be joking. That’s not a road. And to make matters worse, we have the Stilts Kochacha behind the wheel. From the back seat, I can just about see Prasad uncle set the Vento in motion uphill. Okay. Okay! This is not the time to panic. Let’s try and look at things more positively. What’s the worst that could happen? Kozhikalan Menon might just cut the engine off again and we might just reach Bangalore, express delivery. Hmm… Take a deep breath!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Up we go and I can see Kochacha sweating. A few sharp turns and we are behind the Vento now. Oops, Prasad uncle showed once again that he knows nothing about Wayanad. We just missed the place and came straight up. The road down was better and we finally found the place.
Nice! That was my first impression of the place. My cottage was right on the edge of the cliff. Apart from the fact that it might just collapse and roll down the cliff, everything else seemed safe. Another round of drinks and like I mentioned earlier, I will not go into what I drank.
After a quick dinner inside a cave… yes, you heard it right. Inside a cave! We hit the sack and was fast asleep.
Next morning, we had a quick breakfast and set about on our way to Bangalore. We dropped Paapu uncle on our way. He was off to Mysore to me his girl. Oh yeah, we have another trip to Wayanad in the offing.
My dad is driving like a pro now. “Whoa! That was a close one. Hold it right there, Mister. Just because you seem to be confident, it does not mean you drive like a maniac”.
We stopped at Kanakapura for coffee and then bid goodbye to Prasad uncle and family. Pushpa aunty is nice. I really think so. She keeps that big mouth husband of hers under control. Esha is fab. I can already see the next group coming of age. Akshita chechi, Esha chechi, Sid and I will make a good group. What say?
Anyways, we finally reach Bangalore. And everyone goes back to their lives.
When people ask me if Rakesh Menon is a good man, or if there is just no good in him at all, I always give the same answer. I just tell them... he is my father.
